digging

We all know the saying, "ignorance is bliss." I've been thinking about this phrase a lot in context with my faith in God. I'm not saying that because I have faith in God I am ignorant, so please don't hear that. What I am saying is there are certain ideas and questions I have remained ignorant in, because I've been afraid of how it might change what I believe, or how I'm called to live.

-Where did the Bible come from?
-Who decided which books would make up the Bible?
-What about the books that weren't chosen?
-Did Jesus really mean what he said we he commanded to sell all we have and give to the poor and needy?
-Predestination? (won't go into too much detail on this one. It would take another blog...)
-Is the baptism of the Holy Spirit something that is separate from becoming a believer? If so, how do you become baptized by the Holy Spirit?
-What about speaking in tongues and prophesy? There are chapters in Corinthians dedicated to these gifts.
-How is baptism used in the scriptures? Should infants be baptized? What about age of accountability?
-Is the Bible God's only source of authority? Or does he still speak through people today?
-If God says we are not under the law, why are the Ten Commandments still preached?
-What does it mean to be lukewarm? Am I lukewarm? (see Revelation 3:16)
-As a Christian, should I be supporting wars when Christ calls for peace?

These are just a few of the things that I have thought about briefly, and then looked away in order to prevent a possible uncomfortable realization that what I have been living and breathing for the last 20+ years might not be exactly right....

I'm sick of looking away. I'm tired of being ignorant. In the past I've been defensive toward people who make me question. I would refuse to hear. I don't want to be that anymore. So as I start digging deeper into God and discovering who he really is and what he desires, some of my perspectives might start to change. And I'm alright with that.

take a look,

It's in a book - Reading Rainbow!

Last week I got a library card. Well, I should say, I got an official one. Back when we first arrived in Spokane, one of the first things I did was go get a library card. I could only get a temporary card because I didn't have proof of WA residency.

Historically, my experiences with libraries have been poor. Mainly because I would accrue some pretty sizable fines that I was too cheap to pay. It's been years since I checked out anything at a library. It was nice to be able to make a fresh start.

When I got my temp card, I made myself a goal to never return a book late. Unfortunately (but not surprising), I already failed. You see, the card was only good for 30 days, so that was the longest I could keep a book until I brought in proof of residency. I kept the book for 36 days. It only cost me $0.60, but really? I'm a little ashamed.

Now that I finally have my permanent library card, I am in need of some book suggestions. So please, if you have any suggestions at all, I would love to hear them!

think of me

In less than 5 hours, I will be bundling up, going outside, getting in my car, and driving. Where will I be driving you ask? I will be driving to work. Yes. Work. A delightful 10 hour shift is awaiting me, and by 8AM tomorrow, I will be pooped.

And since lately reading has been putting me to sleep, I am praying for a Law and Order marathon. Or Monk. Or Psych. Or Cold Case. Or something with some sort of captivating plot. Because this is not a sleep shift.

So while you are putting on your cosy PJs, snuggling with your pillow, and drifting off to sleep, think of me. But don't pity me. Because I picked up this shift. And the overtime will be sweet.

flashback

Good news! I found my camera cord! Here are some pictures from over the last few months that I've just been itching to share!

Matt and TJ loading the moving truck

Empty House

saying good-bye
take a close look at Ella


beautiful Wyoming sunrise

a rainy day in Idaho

poor Ella hated the ride

Nearing Washington

* We did make it to Washington, but not long after we got there we decided to drive south to visit my Gramma and Ron down in Arizona!

amazing Nevada mountains

What was awaiting us when we arrived. Mmmm....

Seriously good

day trip to Grand Canyon

What we found at the Grand Canyon!

totally cute Ron & Gramma

Wild Burros roamed the old ghost town of Oatman, AZ

The town came with it's own caption =)

TJ and a baby burro

* We traveled to Seattle for Thanksgiving

The whole List gang - minus newest addition - Elsa Louise born 12.20.08

TJ and niece, Emily

the start of the big snowfall

after the first big snowfall

=)

our new place (with A LOT of work yet to be done)

less

So after a couple days of contemplation and one whole day without any media, I feel as if I may have a continued thought from my last post. Bear with me on this one. My thoughts are a little unorganized.

Psalm 139: 13-14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

God has uniquely created me. He has gifted me with certain talents and abilities that are different than others. There is no other person exactly like me. I should celebrate the fact that God has given me interests and set me in an environment to help cultivate them and grow.

1 Peter 4: 7-12 "The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God my be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."

But.

These gifts are not for my glory.

I think this is why I've been struggling so much with this. I know the right words to say. Believe me, I have the 'Christian verbiage' down. I fully understand that everything I do should give God glory. I can make myself appear that I'm living my life this way. But you see, I know my heart. My heart is wicked. My heart is prideful. I want the glory.

I really believe there is nothing wrong with creating a profile and expressing who God has made me, but this goes way deeper than creating a profile. My struggle with that is just one of the many symptoms of a heart issue.

I cannot even put into words how much I desire to be able to live solely for the purpose of giving God glory. There is so much freedom in living as if I have died and having Christ take full reign in me. Look at how Paul lived? There was nothing anyone could do to Him here on earth. It's just so frustrating to want something good, to desire my life to be lived as God commands, but not being able to. It just makes me even more aware of what a hold sin has on my life. I cannot do it on my own. I have tried.

I guess that's all for now. I will leave this open-ended with the hopes that the realization of this self-glorification in my life will push me closer to God. That by God's grace there may be less of me revealed through my life, but more of Christ.

more

Two blogs in one day. I know. It's crazy. Really it's more like two blogs in twenty minutes. I must not be able to sleep or something....

I was taking a look at my profile info and I noticed a serious lack of mentioning God.

So I was trying to figure out where to place God.

I guess it just seems weird to me that I would have God and disney in the same category. Or even call God an interest. He is so much more than that.

Or how about placing the Bible next to Edward Fudwupper Fibbed Big. Or even call the Bible, just a book. It is so much more than that.

(I have a tendency to over think things. Obviously... )

And then it lead me to think about the process of putting together my profile. Why do I pick certain things and not others? From my profile you would never guess that I haven't gone running in over 3 months or I've barely listened to any Sufjan Stevens music besides the song "John Wayne Gacy" and his Christmas album.

I've got to be honest here.

It is all about self-image. My self-image. There's this part of me that wants you to think that I am a certain way. It's sick. I'm sick.

Colossians 3:2-4

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." (bold lettering added by me)

If I truly believe what God has said, and what Christ has done, my life right now isn't my life. I died. This life is no longer about me and who I am.

So what do I do with this?

Right now, I don't know.

a sense of urgency

I am a proud member of the Disney movie club.

Yesterday, I received an e-mail from the club telling me that certain Disney titles were going to be locked up in the Disney vault on January 3o. One of these titles was The Little Mermaid.

Yes. I ordered it. And now I am impatiently awaiting it's arrival. As I am unpacking it would be the perfect background noise. You see, I love watching and/or listening to Disney movies while cleaning. I am not kidding you when I say I probably watched Pocahontas 10 times in the last year because the music is amazing. As goofy as that movie is, you have to admit the songs are very catchy! - "I look once more, just around the river bend..."

And just in case you are wondering, the other titles that are being locked away are Peter Pan, Peter Pan in Return to Neverland, and The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginnings.