fear and peace

As a Christ follower I have been taught, and I believe, that God gives us direction. He presses on our hearts and minds and leads us where He wants us to go. And sometimes I feel like because I believe this, I need preface every life-altering decision I make with..."I really feel God is leading me to (say, go, act, think, do...)" 

Honestly, sometimes I have no idea where God wants me. Is it wrong for me to say that? I am always torn between thinking that if I want it, God must want it for me, or because I want it, God must not want it for me... like somehow I humanize God and He's just playing games with me. 

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. There seems to be so many big decisions that need to be made that really impact our future. TJ and I have been dealing with so many questions -where do we want to live? when should we move? should I go back to school? should TJ go back to school? if so, what for? what kind of lifestyle do we want? yurt or house? rent or own? kids or no kids? when kids? adoption? - you get the picture. 

There's one question I didn't mention that's been consuming us for the last few months. We are getting really close to answering it. And for maybe only the 2nd time in my life (that I can remember), I feel peace that this is where God is leading us. 

The first time I felt that was when TJ and I decided to move out to Washington. Every fiber of me wanted to stay in the midwest and be close to my family, friends, and my church family, but there was a strange peace about leaving. In fact, I felt so much peace that I actually acted like I knew why God wanted us in Washington. Now that I am here, and have been here for 6+ months, I can see my arrogance in actually thinking I knew what God intended. What I thought was the sole purpose for our move has only been just a fraction of all of the work God has done here.

So this time the peace I'm feeling is joined with fear. I have to admit I don't know exactly how God plans to use this. And I can't pretend do. God is requiring obedience to Him in an area of our lives that doesn't seem wrong. I hope that as TJ and I continue to seek God in this, my fears will dissipate and I will open my hands to whatever God calls us to. 

I mean, come on, He called Isaiah to run around the streets naked for 2 years and proclaim to the Israelites that they were going into desolation. If Isaiah can be obedient to that...