out of my comfort zone

It's amazing how quickly I can be pushed out of my comfort zone. I think my comfort zone is more like a comfort box, because it seriously doesn't take much. 

Earlier this week I was watching a debate about the reality of Satan. I wasn't even the one debating, but I felt so uncomfortable watching my beliefs getting challenged that I literally was nauseous, and I was so close to just turning it off. 

Just today, I did a training where I had to pretend like I was non-verbal and blind, and then use body language to communicate that I hadn't eaten all day and I was hungry. For those for those of you who know me well, probably know that I would rather sit in a lecture hall for 8 hours than get up in front of people and try and act something out. So that was extremely awkward for me (though I must admit, an enlightening representation of what some of the people we work with go through...). 

Or on a more personal level, I am terrified of being known. I've gotten to the point with some of my coworkers where we've said all of the basic introduction talk - where are you from?Are you in school? Any kids? and so on - and what I tend to do is just avoid people after this point, because I'm uncomfortable sharing on a deeper level.

So my gut instinct is to run away. I realized that this way of thinking has stunted my growth, both spiritually and relationally.  If I stay in my little 'safety box' all of the time, when will I ever get the chance to get to know people and love them as Christ does? Or when will I be able to no longer be ignorant about what I believe and why I believe it? And then go on to discuss my beliefs with someone who doesn't agree with me and not get defensive? How many times have I rejected what God was telling me to do because it made me feel awkward? How selfish am I? So often I think that if something is difficult, God doesn't want me to do it. Like the easy way must always be God's way. Or if something doesn't work the first time, that must mean he doesn't want me to do it. Which it seems that in scripture, it's really quite the opposite. Like God is asking, "how much are you willing to sacrifice and suffer for my glory?" 

I guess I don't really have a complete thought on this right now, so overall, what I am trying to say is that my life died with Christ. I am not living for myself. I shouldn't have a comfort zone. My comfort is in Christ crucified. 

1 Peter 1:6-8 "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which  perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy."