wide awake at 5am

I woke up a little over a half-hour ago and I knew I wouldn't be falling back to sleep anytime soon. I snuggled with Ingrid a bit before turning off the air conditioner that we had mistakenly turned on after a 90 degree day, forgetting that the temperature would drop nearly 50 degrees overnight, and then fought with my desire to sleep, and knowing that I should stay awake.

So I threw on a jacket, poured myself a glass of orange juice, and went in the living room and prayed. I think that's why God woke me up this morning. I pack my day so full of stuff, that I never seem to leave time or energy to talk to God. Which is so foolish, considering what's been going on lately.

Is it just me, or does it seem like sickness, cancer, and impending death is everywhere these days? Is it the time of life that I'm in? Is this usual? Because if it is, I don't like it much.

Without getting too personal or something, I'm flying home next week to spend time with my Grandpas (yes, that's plural) who both are going through some tough health battles. It was almost surreal last night when I was booking my flight. Knowing what I was going back for, but not really understanding what is happening. It's easy to feel disconnected when I live so far away.

At the same time though, it's definitely not just my family who's struggling through sickness. In the last two weeks, my friend's g-ma had a small stroke, my pastor's wife was in the hospital, another friend's mom was diagnosed with cancer, a member of our old church is going through chemotherapy, and my old high school professor who has been battling pancreatic cancer for the last 15 months is receiving hospice care. It's really overwhelming.

So when I was praying this morning, it wasn't just for my family.

I know that God is the healer and comforter, and no matter how he chooses to work all of this out, I trust that God is good and good will come from it. Even if it causes me pain.

As my Grandpa said, "A time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to live, a time to die."