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So after a couple days of contemplation and one whole day without any media, I feel as if I may have a continued thought from my last post. Bear with me on this one. My thoughts are a little unorganized.

Psalm 139: 13-14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

God has uniquely created me. He has gifted me with certain talents and abilities that are different than others. There is no other person exactly like me. I should celebrate the fact that God has given me interests and set me in an environment to help cultivate them and grow.

1 Peter 4: 7-12 "The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God my be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."

But.

These gifts are not for my glory.

I think this is why I've been struggling so much with this. I know the right words to say. Believe me, I have the 'Christian verbiage' down. I fully understand that everything I do should give God glory. I can make myself appear that I'm living my life this way. But you see, I know my heart. My heart is wicked. My heart is prideful. I want the glory.

I really believe there is nothing wrong with creating a profile and expressing who God has made me, but this goes way deeper than creating a profile. My struggle with that is just one of the many symptoms of a heart issue.

I cannot even put into words how much I desire to be able to live solely for the purpose of giving God glory. There is so much freedom in living as if I have died and having Christ take full reign in me. Look at how Paul lived? There was nothing anyone could do to Him here on earth. It's just so frustrating to want something good, to desire my life to be lived as God commands, but not being able to. It just makes me even more aware of what a hold sin has on my life. I cannot do it on my own. I have tried.

I guess that's all for now. I will leave this open-ended with the hopes that the realization of this self-glorification in my life will push me closer to God. That by God's grace there may be less of me revealed through my life, but more of Christ.